How to properly endanger your children.

The last 10 years have taught us all the things the could possibly happen to our sweet little angels. Razor blades in Halloween candy, bicycle accidents, kidnappings, playground accidents, skin cancer, and on and on and on.....

In fact, if we followed all the advice we are given, our children would be confined the their beds, with rails, wrapped in bubble wrap, wearing a helmet, blinds shut to prevent harmful UV rays, at least 100 feet from a cell phone less they get radiation poisoning, and wearing SPF 100 sunblock at night....

My grandmother gave me some good advice once when my then 4 year old was climbing on a porch swing. "Let him fall". He's got to learn sometime! If he doesn't fall 2 feet off the swing, he'll never learn to beware of falling... Good advice.

I take my kids to the park on a regular basis. They love it, and I love being "the dragon" who chases them all over the place...

The best part of taking the kids to the park is watching all the other overprotective parents freak out as I teach my 5 year-old son how to properly jump out of a swing and get the greatest distance! They get all paranoid, and tend to hold their kids closer when I'm around. Nothing puts the fear of God into a parent like seeing some dad teach a toddler how to walk across the TOP of the monkey bars! Or how to properly fall from a 10 foot ledge! (bend your kness, and tuck and roll!)

Don't freak out! Your kids NEED to get their knees scrapped, and their head bonked. Thats how they learn. Plus, the look on my wifes face as I demostrate for the kids how to walk on the wrong side of the railing of a bridge without falling in the creek, is PRICELESS!

I recently found out the down side of being a dangerous dad at the park. My son had to sit out during an entire recess at his Pre-K class because he was not sliding down the slide properly. He was running up the slide, and jumping off the ladder. ( I bet he bent his knees when he fell!)

I explained to the teacher that this "improper use of a slide" issue was my fault. I also notified her that he might display other signs of being raised by a "Stay-at-home-dad".

• wedgies
• wet willies
• tendency to jump in puddles
• tackling other children
• throwing rocks for distance
• climbing trees
• farting, burping, and other REALLY FUNNY bodily noises.

You know, generally being a kid!

I love being my child's worst influence.

My son recently let out a loud burp at a waiter. When my wife said "What are you supposed to say?" He quickly replied "thank you!" I'm so proud!