I havent' written a blog post in 2 years because I didn't have anything anyone would want to hear. I still don't. I do however, have something I need to say, whether anyone hears it or not.
I am out of shape. I used to be strong, fit, ready to fight. All because I had to, not because I wanted to. I have become fat and lazy. All because of fear. I am afraid. At some point, fear and pain won it's battle over me. Working out too much was more than I wanted to endure. Taking chances was not worth the effort. Competition and combat were to be avoided at all cost because a loss was invevitable. A lose would further erode my view of myself and my abilities. Each time I failed, I was greeted with more reassurance of why I should stop trying.
Each time I run, my body wants to stop, and I let it. Every time. Pushing through is just too much work. Excuse after excuse wells up inside me and becomes like music at a nightclub. The throbbing beats of why I can't or shouldn't do something, drowns out all other thoughts. There is comfort in not trying anymore.
Tomorrow I start Crossfit. I fear it. I fear it not because it is hard work. I fear it not because it is pain. I fear that I might test myself against it and be found weak once again. I feat it because it might mean more failure.
Tomorrow I start Crossfit. I will fail. I will hurt. I will keep going. I commit to myself, that no matter what, I will take at least one more step. Today, the fat lazy fearful man dies.
Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorius triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.-Theodore Roosevelt