Ask a Genius! (Part 2)

As a part of my "Ask a Genius!" series, I will answer all questions sent to me.
(Send questions to recon_ice@yahoo.com)

When I started this, I had one fear. That my cousin, who is probably the only person I know that IS smarter than I am, would send in a question. AND...... Within 2 hours, she sent seven! At least she sent in questions from her daughters. Whew! That could have been messy!

Here are the answers:


Since we don't have a chimney, how does Santa get in the house?--and he
doesn't come through the window or door because they're locked.

When Santa goes to deliver toys to a house with no chimney, a chimney and resulting fireplace magically appear! (See "The Santa Clause - 1994").

Another theory could be that Santa reduces the molecular bonds in his body to close up the distance between the atoms in his body. This would make him small enough to fit through any crevice in a home.

Why does my little miniature dacshund try to bite Gabe and Kelsey, but
let all other kids play with her?

Some say that animals can "sense" tenseness and unease in others. Dogs don't have ESP. However they do pay VERY close attention to body language, and can tell when a person is tense, uneasy, or otherwise acting in a way that could be a threat. This prompts a dog to act aggressively. If the children strolled right past the dog, barely noticing it, the dog probably wouldn't respond aggressively, if at all.

***Disclaimer: Miniature dachshunds are not really dogs.


Why does mom want me to flush the toilet every time I use it? And what
is it with always having to wash my hands?

Pee and Poop stink.

You don't really need to wash your hands. Germs train your immune system. (Although, a bathroom is FULL of little atoms of poop in the air and on every surface, and these atoms get on your hands so that when you touch food, you just put poop on your food. The choice is yours Wash hands = clean food, Dirty hands = poop food).

If I throw this string in the ceiling fan, what will happen?

Something REALLY COOL! The string could be thrown across the room, or wrapped around the motor! For something really awesome, try Jello!

Do you really have to feed your animals every day? What about the
fish?

No, you don't need the feed the animals every day. Animals can go for weeks or months without food depending on the animals body mass, type, and species. Although feeding the dog every day will go a long way to keeping it from digging in the trash.

Feed the fish to the dog. Problem solved.


Here's the ones you never wanted to hear--

Dad, what are tampons?

Tampons are missiles for paper airplanes.

How do you know how big your boobs are going to be? Cause I don't want
small ones or really big ones.

Just check the latest brochure from your nearest plastic surgeon. They can enlarge, reduce, change the shape, move to one side, etc. But little child, do not worry about size. The mere fact that you have boobs, any size, gives you enormous power over men. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility (and gets you out of speeding tickets).



Next question(s)?

Ask a Genius!

Alright, Here is your chance to ask a Genius any question that has been bothering you. (Limited time offer. Subject to rules and restrictions. No Purchase necessary)

Disclaimer: What makes me a genius? Well, because I said I am. You should always take a Genius at his word! Ok, For Seriously though. Genius is a relative term. It might mean IQ level, or someone who's mastered some topic. It may simply mean someone who knows more than you do. My qualification is that I read a LOT. I absorb information like a sponge! This leads me to spout facts uncontrollably similar to Cliff Clavin from Cheers. I know. Everyone hates they guy who thinks he knows everything. :)

So, Ask away! Stump me if you can. OR just ask something that is on your mind. Here are some examples for you NON creative types:

* How do I get free ringtones to my RAZR V3c?
* How can I track where my teenager is?
* How can I make my home PC hacker proof.
* How can I REALLY lose weight?
* What's the deal with Quantum physics anyway?
* How do I qualify for a FHA 203K loan?
* How did YOU end up with such a HOT wife?
* How do I get my child off the XBOX and outside to play?
* Where did I put my keys? Seriously! They were right here!

Send all questions to recon_ice@yahoo.com (or else!)

I'm normally not so nice as to answer every question people ask of me. BUT since you are reading my blog, I guess I can make some exceptions. The offer to answer questions has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the fact that I have run out of ideas for blog posts. NONE! Where did you get that idea anyway?

Who are we kidding?

Isn't it funny that we have a TON of rules and Laws for how we SHOULD do things, but we don't!

Everyone knows that Fresh vegetables are good for you, but they eat McDonalds for lunch. Everyone knows the speed limit, but just use it as a General Guidline when driving. Everyone knows that watching too much TV is bad for you and your kids, but still watch about a billion hours a week.

For instance. You should brush and floss after every meal. We lie to our dentists and say we do, but in reality....well.....

I just ate my lunch. Leftover hamburger helper, soda, Jello, and a box of Hot Tamale Candy. Yummmy....I'll probably die of a heart attack, but Do I care? Do you think I'm going to the Restroom at work to Floss, Brush, do 50 situps and think happy thoughts? No way!

My day consists of constantly ignore what I SHOULD be doing and then doing what I should NOT be doing.

Yet, we all lie to ourselves and eachother. "You know, you should never trust a car dealer." EVERYONE knows that! But I would guess that if every one of us went to a car lot, we'd be all like "OOOO! Shiny!" and drive away with a car we can't afford, and didn't really need anyway. Not to mention that I KNOW you didn't read all 150 pages of contracts you signed! You simply scanned them, said..."hmmm, yes, this looks good to me..." and just pretended to read it. Don't lie!! I know you! Like the salesman really believed that you read that whole novel, and found it to your legal satisfaction!

Who are we fooling?

Oh yes officer, I couldn't have been doing more than 50! What? 85 you say? NO! I would never do that!

We tell our kids not to lie.... What if we told the truth?

You clocked me doing 85? You must have caught me after I slowed down! I gunned it around that slow old lady, and then punched it up to 90 to beat that stupid red light. I've got to get to Target before they close you know! I just got a Target card, and the limit is $500 and I can't WAIT to see how fast I can max it out!

I'm sure it's just me. None of you would EVER lie right?

I'm sure you had a nice lunch of plain salad then flossed, brushed , and stopped at the gym to work out, then drive 40mph home, with your seatbelt on, never talking on the phone, paying very close attention to traffic, used your signal, then spent quality time with your children, taught them a second language, made a nutritious meal of berries and nuts read them each a novel, and then went out and changed your oil, wiper blades, and smoke alarm batteries......right?