Ask a Genius! (Part 3)

More questions! They just keep coming in!
Send your "Ask a Genius!" question to recon_ice@yahoo.com


I have three more questions from an anonymous writer.

1. why do husbands think we will have sex with them after they have been grouches all day to us?

I need to answer this is two parts.

First. Men are horn-dogs. Period. It's in our nature. God made us that way for a reason. Imagine if trying to get Men to procreate was like trying to get them to clean out the garage. The human race would be dead in a generation. Sorry ladies, but men MUST be horny for the good of humanity.

Second, and a little more psychoanalytical. The marriage relationship is mutual. The huge benefit is that two people "become one". Meaning they can rely on the other, share secrets, fears, joys, etc. This is intimacy in all it's glory. Intimacy is vital to health. Being able to completely rely on someone else completely, makes you stronger as a person.

Stick with me here. People feel love in different ways. For some, it's physical, (a touch, holding hangs, hug, etc.) for others its a thoughtful gift, or it could be words spoken, or just time spent together. You show love the way you want to get it. And the chances are that your spouse is different, and shows love the way he wants to get it.

Moving along. A wife provides her husband with support. The one person in the world who will always have his back, and stick with him no matter what. (There are exceptions, I know.) On those days when the whole world is out to get you, at least your wife is on your side. It is especially on those days that a man is the grouchiest and in the worst mood. At the close of the day, he might just turn to his wife for comfort. Sometimes physical.

You probably wouldn't expect a man to say "Honey, can I talk with you about my emotional turmoil?".

Psychobabble aside, men also know that the more you ask, the more often you get a yes. It worked with dating. The more girls you ask, the better your odds of a yes. Just basic statistics!



2. why can't guys pee with the toilet seat (not lid) down. seriously what's the difference in the circumference of the toilet with the seat up and down? is the aim that bad they can't handle the extra 1/2 in smaller?


Guys can and will. We have been asked not to by our spouses. The circumference does not matter. In fact, there have been studies where when presented with a target, men can and will aim for it. Every time. The problem is "over spray". Women love to bash men for this, BUT try this first:

Put a large bucket in the middle of your living room. From across the room, fill the bucket with a garden hose, without getting any on the carpet, furniture, etc. You will not have a problem hitting the target, but you will definitely notice the effects of "over spray".

With the toilet seat up, the overspray goes on the rim of the bowl and onto the floor. With the seat down, the overspray goes on the part you put your Butt on. So, for the sake of dry butts, men lift the seat.




3. are boogers nutritious? if they aren't i don't see many kids getting sick from it - i mean it's their own mucus? if they are, why is it so disgusting to watch my kids 'knuckle' up and dig one out? at least they don't eat them!

No, they are not nutritious. Sorry. Here's the story on boogers. Your nose pulls in particle from the air to determine their "smell signature". This is called Smelling...Oooh. (Very technical, I know). Imagine after just a few months of constant inhalation of particles, your know would be clogged with them. The nose has an efficient way of cleansing itself. By lining the nasal cavity with mucus, the particles are collect and encased in this mucus. This makes boogers. When the nose begins to fill to capacity (we'll call this Booger overload), the nose triggers an Automatic Spontaneous Ejection Protocol (sneeze), thus clearing the nasal passages. So boogers are made up of stuff the body already has (mucus), and stuff the body smells. Now if you spent hours smelling vitamin C, we might be onto something. More likely you are sniffing something nasty.

Picking is simply a way to keep the nose free between sneezes.

BUT why is watching someone "dig for gold" so nasty? Easy! Consider this. Have you EVER, EVER, in your LIFE see someone stick a finger inside their body and pull something out that WASN'T Nasty? Nope! You haven't. So when a little kid is going to town looking for Magic Nose Goblins, you know that no good can come from this. As a parent, you also know that when the discovery is made, little Magellan is not going to search for a tissue to hold his prize. That little sucker is going in one of three places.

1) On his sister
2) Flicked through the air at some one or some thing.
3) Hidden under a chair, on the wall, or some other place to use later for purposes 1 or 2 (above)



That's it for now! I'm patiently waiting for more questions!

Ask a Genius! (Part 2)

As a part of my "Ask a Genius!" series, I will answer all questions sent to me.
(Send questions to recon_ice@yahoo.com)

When I started this, I had one fear. That my cousin, who is probably the only person I know that IS smarter than I am, would send in a question. AND...... Within 2 hours, she sent seven! At least she sent in questions from her daughters. Whew! That could have been messy!

Here are the answers:


Since we don't have a chimney, how does Santa get in the house?--and he
doesn't come through the window or door because they're locked.

When Santa goes to deliver toys to a house with no chimney, a chimney and resulting fireplace magically appear! (See "The Santa Clause - 1994").

Another theory could be that Santa reduces the molecular bonds in his body to close up the distance between the atoms in his body. This would make him small enough to fit through any crevice in a home.

Why does my little miniature dacshund try to bite Gabe and Kelsey, but
let all other kids play with her?

Some say that animals can "sense" tenseness and unease in others. Dogs don't have ESP. However they do pay VERY close attention to body language, and can tell when a person is tense, uneasy, or otherwise acting in a way that could be a threat. This prompts a dog to act aggressively. If the children strolled right past the dog, barely noticing it, the dog probably wouldn't respond aggressively, if at all.

***Disclaimer: Miniature dachshunds are not really dogs.


Why does mom want me to flush the toilet every time I use it? And what
is it with always having to wash my hands?

Pee and Poop stink.

You don't really need to wash your hands. Germs train your immune system. (Although, a bathroom is FULL of little atoms of poop in the air and on every surface, and these atoms get on your hands so that when you touch food, you just put poop on your food. The choice is yours Wash hands = clean food, Dirty hands = poop food).

If I throw this string in the ceiling fan, what will happen?

Something REALLY COOL! The string could be thrown across the room, or wrapped around the motor! For something really awesome, try Jello!

Do you really have to feed your animals every day? What about the
fish?

No, you don't need the feed the animals every day. Animals can go for weeks or months without food depending on the animals body mass, type, and species. Although feeding the dog every day will go a long way to keeping it from digging in the trash.

Feed the fish to the dog. Problem solved.


Here's the ones you never wanted to hear--

Dad, what are tampons?

Tampons are missiles for paper airplanes.

How do you know how big your boobs are going to be? Cause I don't want
small ones or really big ones.

Just check the latest brochure from your nearest plastic surgeon. They can enlarge, reduce, change the shape, move to one side, etc. But little child, do not worry about size. The mere fact that you have boobs, any size, gives you enormous power over men. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility (and gets you out of speeding tickets).



Next question(s)?

Ask a Genius!

Alright, Here is your chance to ask a Genius any question that has been bothering you. (Limited time offer. Subject to rules and restrictions. No Purchase necessary)

Disclaimer: What makes me a genius? Well, because I said I am. You should always take a Genius at his word! Ok, For Seriously though. Genius is a relative term. It might mean IQ level, or someone who's mastered some topic. It may simply mean someone who knows more than you do. My qualification is that I read a LOT. I absorb information like a sponge! This leads me to spout facts uncontrollably similar to Cliff Clavin from Cheers. I know. Everyone hates they guy who thinks he knows everything. :)

So, Ask away! Stump me if you can. OR just ask something that is on your mind. Here are some examples for you NON creative types:

* How do I get free ringtones to my RAZR V3c?
* How can I track where my teenager is?
* How can I make my home PC hacker proof.
* How can I REALLY lose weight?
* What's the deal with Quantum physics anyway?
* How do I qualify for a FHA 203K loan?
* How did YOU end up with such a HOT wife?
* How do I get my child off the XBOX and outside to play?
* Where did I put my keys? Seriously! They were right here!

Send all questions to recon_ice@yahoo.com (or else!)

I'm normally not so nice as to answer every question people ask of me. BUT since you are reading my blog, I guess I can make some exceptions. The offer to answer questions has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the fact that I have run out of ideas for blog posts. NONE! Where did you get that idea anyway?

Keeping your computer safe.

As I am often asked to come over and fix peoples computers, I thought I’d write up a little tech article to address the most common problems.

The Number One reason peoples computers break, or are slow, or any other issue can all be related back to “Computer Security”.

Buy yourself a brand new computer, plug it in, and get on the internet, and within days your PC will be about 90% slower than it was when you pulled it out of the box.

Do you have “Top Secret” data on your PC?

Do you use Quicken,? Quickbooks?
Do you download your bank data?
Do you check your bank balance online?
Do you buy anything online with a credit card?
Pay bills online?
Store your budget on your computer?
Do your taxes on your computer?
Scan in your Birth Certificates? Social Security Cards? Drivers Licenses?
Do you check the box on a website to remember your passwords?

Any one of these things can put your person information at risk.

I have compiled a list of things you should do to keep your PC and your information safe, and keep your PC from slowing down and crashing all the time.

1) NEVER send valuable information via Email! EVER!

Never email anyone your SSN, Account number, or ANY password via email. EVER. Never respond to anyone asking for this information. Email leaves your computer and goes through a number of other public computers before it gets to its destination.

Any of these computers can easily read your message. A hacker can put a program out there that searches emails that come through for words like “Account” “Credit Card Number” “Password” etc. They make copies of messages containing this data.

2) Install a firewall. NOW!

When you first connect your computer to the internet, it will get hit several thousand times with programs called “Port Scanners”. These programs just sit there and scan the net for unprotected PCs. Once you connect, it will find you in a matter of seconds, and load Trojan software on your PC.

This is one reason your brand new, state-of-the-art PC begins to slow down after you connect to the internet.If you can help it, you should never plug your PC directly into your Cable or DSL modem. This puts you directly on the Net with no protection. Buy a cable/DSL router. This will put a barrier between your computer and the net. It doesn’t slow you down at all. You can find one for about $40.00. It will also allow you to connect multiple computers to the internet.

This is called a Hardware firewall.

Second, install a Software Firewall on each PC you have connected to the net. You can find a great FREE firewall here (http://www.personalfirewall.comodo.com/ ). Download it and install it. It will start to ask you if programs are allowed in and out. I

t will soon learn what is OK and what is not.Now you have blocked 99% of the hacking attempts that are coming at you.

3) Get rid of all that Spyware.

When you visit a website, it may put a “cookie” on your PC. A cookie is simply a little file containing information. It may be a simple as your State. This way when you go back to a site, it will know what State you are in.

More often than not, it is a tracking cookie. A program that will track what websites you visit. This data is sent back to the original website. They usually use this data for marketing purposes. If you go to a lot of sport sites, then they may want to show you mostly sports ads.

Some cookies do much more damage.

Most computers I am asked to fix contain about 300 of these Malicious tracking cookies. With each of these cookies talking back to their website via YOUR internet connection, you will see a MUCH slower browsing experience.

Get Rid of them!

One good, FREE, tool is AdAware
(http://www.download.com/3000-2144-10045910.html)
Download it, install it, update it, and run it.

You’ll be surprised how many cookies, etc. you have.This program contains a list of what each of the “bad” cookies looks like. It compares each cookie to its list of known bad cookie, and marks and deletes them. You have the option to update this list. Since they update this list daily, you should run “Check for updates” every time you run it, to make sure you have the latest list. (Just like with a Virus Scanner)Get rid of the spyware/Malware/Adware and your PC will speed up tremendously.Run at least once a month, if not weekly.

You can also set AdAware to run whenever you boot up your computer. Not a bad idea.

4) Install an Anti-Virus

Here is another place you can get free Anti-virus software: http://antivirus.comodo.com/ You should install it, and set it up to check for updates daily, and automatically scan your computer. Also make sure to set it to automatically check your email attachments as well.No Computer should EVER be with out Anti-Virus Software.

5) Keep your PC updated

Occasionally (ok, daily) Microsoft will discover that there is a security hole is Windows, or Internet Explorer, or some other software. They fix the hole and then put out a patch so you can update your computer.

If you are on Windows XP, you can set up your PC to automatically download and install the updates once Microsoft releases them.If you haven’t updated in a while, or ever, then there are probably a TON of security vulnerabilities that every hacker knows about, but you haven’t plugged yet.

Go to http://update.microsoft.com/ It will automatically scan your PC to see if you need updates or patches. After installing these, go back and scan again to see if you need more. Repeat until it says you have every available update.

Now go to Control Panel – Security Center – Automatic UpdatesTurn Automatic Updates on.

6) Passwords

Even if you password protect something, a hacker can easily CRACK your password. A good cracking program will attempt to repeatedly guess your password until it gets it right. For most passwords, this takes only a few seconds. I have done this myself, to check my own password security.

Easy passwords are cracked in the first 10 seconds. Make sure you have a GOOD password.If the word is found in a dictionary or is a person’s name. It will be cracked in seconds.

A cracking program is loaded with dictionarys of words and names. Within seconds it compares your password against this dictionary. Then it starts to try alternatives of those words.

Example: John Smith has a username of Jsmith.

Most likely he will try a password like one of these:

jsmith1
john
sally
sally01
bobby (sons name)
bobby04 (sons name/age)
101595 (Anniversery or Birthday)
fido (dogs name)
cowboys (favorite team name)

Any of these passwords would be cracked in under 10 seconds. Instead consider either a ramdom password (http://www.pctools.com/guides/password/) or misspell a word.

Also, mix upper and lower case, as well as numbers and characters. This might be a better password for John Smith:eyyeLoeVsally95

It is the sentence: I Love Sally with “I” changed to “eye” and misspelled, and Love misspelled. Also, the L and the V are capitalized. The year they were married is added at the end to include numbers.

Plus it is a long password. 15 characters. The longer the better. A 15 character password can last for years before you have to change it. This password earns a BEST security rating from Microsoft’s Password Checker (http://www.microsoft.com/athome/security/privacy/password_checker.mspx)

Check out this site to test the strength of your own passwords.

7) SPAM

If you already get a ton of spam, the easiest thing to do is change your email address. I recommend setting up 2 addresses. One for public and one for private.When you are required to give out your email address, use the public one. For all your friends and family, give out your private.

I RARELY check my public email since it will get me a TON of spam. However I get almost NO spam on my private one. You can install any number of spam software, but none of it works perfectly. The BEST bet is to Never give out your private email address to anyone your don’t want to have it.

Simple.

8) Lastly, Be careful when surfing.

Don’t ever give out your information unless you know exactly where it is going and who it is using. Don’t install ANYTHING from the internet unless you know what it is, and have specifically gone to that website to get that software. Be suspicious!

For a further information go here:
http://www.cert.org/homeusers/HomeComputerSecurity/